What is interesting about dating sites in general is the reason why people use them: they all want to fill a void. If you are single and looking for some love, you are filling the void that hits you when you come to an empty home, look forward to an empty night and if you’re a woman, you may no longer want an empty womb! In sites like Ashley Madison, the answer to why people in a relationship are in a dating site are surprisingly similar: they are looking to fill a void. In fact, in interviews with users, the overwhelming answer to why they were using Ashley Madison was to fill a void in their current relationship.
In the case of an extramarital affair, the void could come from a number of places. The primary place is generally sexual; one of the spouses could be disgruntled with a lack of sex in the relationship which is impacting self esteem, creating a build up of carnal urges, and generally making life tense and more miserable, whether the other partner notices or not. However, an emotional void is also common; a spouse may simply need someone to unburden to and be unable to do it with their partner (and sex may well follow after that). Or perhaps one spouse travels a ton and doesn’t have a lot of time for the other. The reasons are varied, but the core often remains the same: lack of satisfaction in one aspect of the relationship leading to feelings of disgruntlement and boredom.
If there are such deep problems in the relationship, why don’t these people leave? Many well meaning people ask that, but probably don’t know the reality of the situation. Divorce is messy, expensive, time consuming, and painful. There are assets to divide up, children to work around, money to deal with, lawyers, courts… the list goes on and on! Many people who use sites like Ashley Madison are only looking for a one-time gig; they don’t want to leave their spouse-they probably still love their spouse!-and they just need to scratch that itch, fill that hole.
Ashley Madison is uniquely qualified to fill a void in a spouse. The site matches members to each other for one time affairs based on a series of preferences and gives tips and tricks on how to avoid being caught. The site is very open about what it does and encourages married people to use the site to find a short term partner outside the marriage. It is a very discreet site, easy to use, and though it’s not affordable, it is effective.
Unfortunately, not many relationships are perfect and over time, erosions can cause problems. But divorce may not be the answer either. It could be that in some cases, an extramarital affair is exactly what is needed so that the disgruntled spouse can have his or her ruffled feathers soothed and feel less hollow and unfulfilled. It is a very personal choice to undertake and must be made carefully, but for many users of Ashley Madison, the need to fill that void is there and this dating site provides the medium for that goal.
